Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
