Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
