boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Terrible idea I love it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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