imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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