I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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