the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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