I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
