At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Green mimosas i think yes
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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