when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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