Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
