it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize