how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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