Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
