Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Mom said you looked used
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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