My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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