So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
