Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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