you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
