i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
