Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
