You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
