i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
