Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
