Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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