i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
