If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
