i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
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Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize