I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
