Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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