It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
