You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
