So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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