Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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