I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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