i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
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Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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