before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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