Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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