guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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