Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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