he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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