Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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