Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I see more hoeing in ur future
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