Sry I called you an 8
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
