drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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