so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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