I cannot find my penis.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
