I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
