I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
