I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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