ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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