She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize