I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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