dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
