Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
