I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
