Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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