he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
