I'm pants shitting drunk right now
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
