I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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