Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
