so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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