it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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