i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
