Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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