I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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