I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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