Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
