Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
