She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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